You born today are in search of love and doubt the overall trajectory of your life. Your dreams are filled with the fading faces of loves lost, ruined or left behind. The notion of your death seems absurd, yet also has the power to paralyze you with fear upon starting awake from an involuntary afternoon nap. Now would be a good time for shopping!
Aries: All possibilities for happiness seem unsalvageable.
Taurus: The time of sexual elligibility is past.
Gemini: Why not call up an old ex-girlfriend or boyfriend?
(Cancer will definitely get you, when & where you least expect it.)
Leo: Keep in mind they might've married or changed surnames.
Virgo: You might also try an internet search.
Libra: What are you going to say, though? Huh?
Scorpio: Maybe you should just see what's on T.V. instead...
Sagittarius: Or buy something... You can do that on line, too...
Capricorn: Besides, what if they're happier than you?
Aquarius: Everyone is happier than you are.
Pisces: Better to stay the big fish in your little pond.
Today's lucky number: 13. Tomorrow's color: Puce.
*From the book McSweeney's Quarterly Concern. Issue Number 13. An Assorted Sampler of North American Comic Drawings, Strips, and Illustrated Stories, Etc. By Many of the Most Dignified and Skilled Practitioners of the Cartoonist Art, Presented On Over 250 Lithographic Plates and In Approximately 3,732 Individual Pictures.